Know the Porn Myths to Avoid a Disappointed Penis

Watching porn is a rite of passage for most men. It begins with a few visuals, like that proverbial Playboy magazine a group of friends passes around well before they are old enough to know what it all means. Eventually a young man discovers the visual and aural stimulation of moving video, and that often begins a lifelong love of porn. In fact, the sore penis that results from far too much porn watching might become a man’s first foray into figuring out good penis care.

But when a man begins to enjoy pleasure with someone outside of the screen, he is all too often disappointed by the vast gulf between what porn teaches him and what really happens in the bedroom. For the uninitiated, here are a few things to never actually expect to translate from the screen to the bedroom.

1) Perfect bodies. All the participants in a porn video tend to be very young and healthy. And if they aren’t, the video producers use tricks of camera angles and lighting to hide any flaws. The result is the belief that a woman should look a certain way, and a man should too. That can definitely lead to disappointment in the bedroom.

2) Instant hardness. Men in porn are very rarely seen in a flaccid state. The moment a woman walks across the screen, they are hard enough to crush diamonds. The truth is that most porn productions use a ‘fluffer’ – a woman whose only job is to get a man hard before he walks onscreen. What appears to be ‘instant’ really is just an illusion.

3) She gets off fast. Women in porn seem to feel as though every touch is orgasmic, and they appear to have numerous orgasms throughout one session. The truth is very different. Women usually need a very specific type of stimulation, for much more than just a few seconds, in order to get turned on – much less to get off.

4) Noise, noise, noise! A porn video is filled with aural stimulation, which is part of why most guys love it so much. And who wouldn’t? The problem is that women aren’t really going to make noises like that in the sack. Sure, they might be enthusiastic and make some noise, but the sounds in a porn film will not likely be replicated in the bedroom.

5) Money shots. Here’s an interesting stat: porn actors ejaculate somewhere other than the vagina 81 percent of the time. Most of the time they do it on her body or most commonly, her face. The problem is that 80 percent of women in real life report not liking that particular move. So unless she approves beforehand, don’t expect to replicate this.

6) Crazy moves. Remember the ‘fluffer’ and the illusion she creates? The same thing is true of a woman who can do wild things in porn, like anal sex without any preparation, or double penetration. In each case, the situation has been prepped and carefully coordinated off-camera. Again, don’t expect to replicate things like this!

Do You Have a Porn Addiction?

For some men this might be a confronting question, but for someone who knows they have a porn addiction, it is possibly one of the most confronting questions they could encounter. Once we have explored more about porn addictions the reasons for this may become clearer.

So, do you have an addiction to porn?

Firstly, let’s understand what we are talking about. The term ‘porn’ itself probably doesn’t need much clarification. However, the term ‘addiction’ is something that is often used very freely in our society to define a broad range of behaviours.

There are an infinite number of different ways that addiction has been defined, but one of the most generic and simplest is Wikipedia’s definition of it as “a continued involvement with a substance or activity despite the negative consequences associated with it”.

From this definition it is clear that the term ‘addiction’ could be applied to any number of different challenges. Alcohol and drug addictions are commonly understood issues in our society. Other addictions that counsellors might regularly encounter include sex addictions, gaming addictions, TV addictions, etc. There is a debate within the helping professional about whether porn addictions actually exist, and whether they should be classed in the same was as other ‘addictions’.

So while someone may be addicted to something like porn or gaming, it does not suggest that the behaviour or the activity itself is problematic or an ‘issue’. Issues and problems relating to addiction generally only apply when the behaviour is ongoing and continues, despite impacting negatively on other areas of one’s life or the life of those around you.

Porn itself often carries a negative stigma. This may originate from a family or religious value system. As a result, some people may find that they have a number of responses or reactions to their behaviour, either during or after having viewed pornography. For someone who has been raised with values that suggests porn is ‘wrong’, there can be a sense of guilt or shame. Other elements of self-judgement can arise too, such as thinking that one may be a ‘bad person’ or ‘feeling worthy-less’ or worthless. For many men accessing porn may be something that they do in secret, either a secret that they keep alone, or possibly one that is shared with a close friend or partner.

So what is the difference between simply watching porn and being addicted to porn?

Perhaps you can ask yourself these questions:

1. Do you access porn on a regular basis? Perhaps more than once per week?

2. Do you notice any anxiety within yourself if you aren’t able to access porn as often as you’d like?

3. Are parts of your life being negatively impacted because you are accessing porn?

4. Are any of the relationships in your life being affected?

5. Do you often intend to do some other activity and then somehow find yourself accessing porn instead?

6. Are you regularly getting less sleep than you should because of porn?

7. When you access porn do you often find yourself spending far more time than you had intended?

8. Have you increased your broadband plan to accommodate your porn needs?

9. Do you often tell yourself you’re going to stop or you’re going to limit the amount of porn you access, but then it doesn’t actually happen?

I’m not going to tell you that because you’ve answered these questions with a ‘yes’ that you definitely have a porn addiction. To do so would simply add to the ‘judgements’ that you’ve possibly already heaped on yourself. However, if some of these questions do apply to you, then perhaps there is something there for you to explore.

Often someone with an addiction will focus all of their efforts on trying to stop the addiction. They will set themselves goals, such as “I’m not going to do it for 7 days”. Sometimes there is even a reward at the end: “if I abstain for 2 weeks I’ll reward myself with a…”. They will often question why they do it, and what it’s caused by. The addiction, and stopping it, can be something that begins to consume their life and their thoughts, and can have a significant impact on how they feel.

From my experience in working with clients, persistent behaviours such as porn addictions, often suggest an absence of something else in their life. While it is important not to completely ignore the addictive behaviour, often the journey towards a better balance in life is through actually focussing on other aspects of one’s life, such as relationships, family of origin issues, and other feelings deep within that are desperate to be explored and heard.

Addictive behaviours are sometimes a way for men to cover up, or hide away, something else in their lives that they don’t feel they are ready to deal with. For some men, they may not be aware of what these other issues are, or even that they exist.

Porn addictions can occur in cycles. There can be a time where one accesses porn very often, almost not being able to stop. And, then there are other times when the feeling is not as strong, or life is interesting and busy enough that one doesn’t even think of porn, or perhaps because there isn’t an opportunity. Because of the cycle of addition men may sometimes commit to seeking help for their addiction, but then when they are feeling less addicted, or less attracted to the porn, they tell themselves they are on the right track and don’t follow through. And then the cycle begins again.

My professional experience and training suggests to me that it is extremely hard for someone to find a ‘solution’ to their addiction, or to let go of their addiction, on their own. Most often it is necessary to engage some help. Because of the nature of porn addictions it can be really hard for many men to seek help from those close to them. They may not want anyone else to know.

By seeking help from a professional who has the experience to help you and is also bound by a confidentiality framework, it is possible to find a way forward in a safe and supportive way. It is important to realise that the journey to healing addictions has many ‘ups and downs’. Having a professional who is able to expertly guide you and remain a constant for you during this journey, is invaluable.

So, whether you have a porn addiction or not, if you feel that porn is an issue in your life, try to seek some support and help from a qualified professional.

It’s good to talk.

Footnote:

While I don’t want to suggest that porn is either good or bad, the porn industry does have a reputation (which may or may not be valid) of sometimes exploiting individuals. A concern that is often expressed about porn is that it treats men and women as objects. By accessing porn in which anyone has been exploited we can become de facto supporters of that exploitation ourselves. However, for the purposes of this article, I am assuming that we are referring to porn where all the participants are informed consenting adults.

Disclaimer: This article is meant to provide men with general information about porn and porn addictions. This article should not be interpreted as a recommendation for a specific treatment plan or course of action. Before making any decisions about your health, you should consult a qualified health professional such as a counsellor, therapist or doctor.

Porn Positive: How to Keep the Relationship Healthy

Frequent ejaculation promotes penis health; therefore, a man can consider masturbation a part of a healthy life. But for some men, the role played by porn can become problematic. This occurs when a man requires it in order to climax, when it interferes with his relationship or when his sex life begins to suffer because of it. Fortunately, there are practical steps a man can take to prevent the transition from pleasure to problem when it comes to his visual aids.

1) Mix it up. Many people find themselves particularly attracted to certain genres of porn – threesomes or bondage, for example. But keeping oneself open to other genres can be beneficial for a couple reasons.

For one, exploring new territory can help a man learn things about his sexuality. He may find a new interest that can improve both his solo and partner sexual activities.

Second, if a man relies on one or two types of porn while masturbating all the time, he may be training his penis to respond sexually only to the types of scenarios he’s viewing. This can interfere with his sex life and relationships.

2) Take a break. Many men find themselves pulling up a private search window every time they want to crank one out. But it can be good to skip the use of visual aids now and then and rely on imagination. This way, porn can remain a want rather than becoming a need.

3) Be honest. When men lie to partners about their porn use, they are opening the relationship up to a world of hurt. A guy may wish to keep porn use a private affair rather than viewing it with a partner, and that’s fine. But telling a partner that he doesn’t use it, or that he uses it less frequently than he does, is not the way to go.

4) Remember that it doesn’t reflect real life. The types of scenarios in porn are not things a man is likely to encounter in real life. Sure, some partners may be into threesomes or bondage, for example, but a man should never expect a partner to be into what he’s watching. He should also remember that bodies in real life don’t often look or respond to sexual stimuli the way they do in porn. Things like massive loads of semen, female squirting and large manhoods are not really that common in real life. And that’s okay.

5) Invite the partner in. Some people find that their sexual relationships with partners are improved when porn becomes something that they share. They can view it together, commenting on what they like (or what they don’t like). It can be a thing unto itself, a part of foreplay or an addition to actual sex. Some couples like to act out what they are watching on the screen in real time. It all depends on the individuals’ comfort levels and preferences.

Men should also keep in mind that frequent masturbation can interfere with their sex lives simply by leaving their tools sore and chafed. But they don’t need to lay of self-gratification for that reason. Rather, they can take a step to improve their skin condition down there by using¬† A product with a combination of moisturizers (like Shea butter and vitamin E) will keep the skin hydrated. That means men can enter their solo pleasuring sessions with resilient skin, increasing the odds that they’ll be ready for sex soon enough after. Plus, Man1 Man Oil contains vitamin A, which helps fight unwanted odors in the area, something many men could use a hand with.

Porn and Sexual Function – Could a Guy’s Internet Habits Leave Him Limp?

The Internet has opened up a whole new world of opportunity for men who enjoy a little adult viewing from time to time; but as with anything else, too much of a good thing can lead to unexpected and unwanted consequences. A little porn can be titillating; it can offer a guy an outlet for stress, and it can fill in the gaps when there is no willing partner around. On the other hand, a LOT of porn can cause significant problems, ranging from loss of interest in real, physical partners to overall loss of sexual function. Since no guy wants that to happen, some of the reasons that too much Internet porn can lead to a limp tool are described here, along with some timely tips for penis care that can help revitalize an unresponsive penis.

1. Loss of physical penis sensation – Like the rest of the body, the penis is covered by layers of dermal tissue (the skin) that protect it from the outside world. This tissue is filled with nerve cells that transmit information to the brain and receive signals from the brain; and the penis, of course contains a vast number of sensory cells. Men who watch porn typically engage in manual stimulation as they watch the action unfold. While masturbation is natural and healthy to an extent, overdoing it can cause a loss of penis sensation; in some cases, this is due to the thickening of the skin that occurs as a result of chronic rough handling, and in some cases, this is caused by damage to the nerve cells. In a nutshell, too much whacking can leave the penis stubborn and unresponsive.

2. Mental desensitization –Sex in any form is a highly visual activity, and men and women alike rely on a variety of visual cues to become aroused. It is common for men who spend hours a day watching pornographic material to become essentially immune to any more realistic forms of visual stimulation.

3. Empty chambers – Last but not least, men who masturbate frequently (with or without porn) tend to be less responsive to a partner simply because they may have already orgasmed recently and haven’t worked up a new supply.

Help for a Desensitized Penis

Fortunately, there is hope for men who have lost sensation and sexual function as a result of their porn viewing habits. The first step, of course, is to lay off altogether for a period of time. This means no internet porn, no trips to the adult toy store, and no masturbation. Taking a break from this highly specific visual input, as well as the manual stimulation that frequently goes along with it, can allow a guy’s mind to re-focus on other visual and mental imagery, not to mention the touch and/or smell of a potential partner.

Because manual stroking of the penis can eventually lead to loss of sensation -due both to stressed skin and to unresponsive nerve pathways – leaving the tool alone for a week or two can allow the tissues time to heal and to become more responsive to the touch and feel of a partner.

When it comes to re-training the penis to respond to physical stimulation, the right nutrition plays an important role. The skin and nerve tissue need specific vitamins, proteins and hydrating agents to heal and to protect themselves against further damage.  can be an easy, no-nonsense way to ensure that the penile tissue is getting the nourishment it needs to function at its prime Рa quality product can leave the skin healthy, supple and responsive.

Treating Porn Addiction – 4 Effective Methods

If you are looking into treating porn addiction then you are probably one of the vast numbers of people who are having serious problems worth pornography. This is a wide ranging issue that destroys relationships, mental health, sexual health, general happiness, and quality of life. When some statistics saying that over half of all divorces occur because of pornography related problems and other reports that state porn addiction leads to more dangerous sexual addictions – you can see why being able to treat a porn addiction early is essential for you!

Here are 4 methods to help effectively reduce your pornography addiction.

Determine Triggers

When you begin to crave a pornography fix there is usually a trigger for this. This is a situation or event that makes you want to indulge in your addiction. It could be as simple as getting into your computer, or it could be a way that you handle rejection, or it might be a reaction to an argument with your wife. Your triggers will be unique to you. Find these then you can create a plan to avoid them or deal with them.

Control Your Surroundings

Making sure the object of your addiction is not readily found is a bit part of controlling your surroundings. Being clean of porn in your house is a start and making sure you take steps so it stays clean will help reduce the ease of availability that drives this addiction.

Overcome Fear

Often we are fearful of changing ingrained behaviours. This is normal as the brain hates to change unless it is forced to. The fears are usually irrational but you must acknowledge them first and then learn to deal with them on an individual basis. Remember that courage is not being free of fear – it is acting despite fear!

Create a Plan

Planning is essential to success in any human endeavour. Treating porn addiction is no exception to this rule and yet most people have no real plan when they decide to quit. Do not fall into this trap, gather your resources, your motivations, your ideas to quit and put them in a proper plan. Pen and paper can be a life changer here.

Block Porn Sites From Your Kid’s Computer By Doing This

Block porn. A simple statement that gets overlooked by many parents. That is until they happen to look on their teens computer and find all kind of pornography! You want to know how to block porn from your kids computer? I’ll tell you exactly what to do in this article!

First of all, you can forget about using the so-called “Internet Filter” that comes installed on your computer. The problem with this software is that it can’t tell the difference between a porn site and a diagram of the human body from a health website. You want to protect your child from porn on the web, but you also want them to be able to enjoy the Internet!

Secondly, and I’ve talked about this extensively in my other articles. PLEASE STAY AWAY FROM FREE PORN BLOCKERS! Not only are they not “free”, they don’t do a very good job! The so-called “free porn blockers’ out there are there to get you to download their software onto your computer. Work for about 30 days and then charge you a fee to continue. Does that sound like “free” to you?

And last but certainly not least, make sure that the porn blocker that you decide on works with ALL browsers! It makes no sense to download a porn blocker, and then discover later that this particular blocker DOES NOT work with your particular web browser! Whether you use Internet Explorer, FireFox or Netscape, the software that you want to block porn from your kids computer should work with all of them!

So what have we learned? There is really only one way to block porn from your kids computer? The only way is to buy and install a porn blocker. There’s no other way around it! If you are a concerned parent, and you want to stop the porn from being on your kids computer, you HAVE to download and install a porn blocker!

Essential Steps to End Porn Addiction Today!

While this is not actually recognized in the “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders”, more and more mental health professionals are starting to recognize this as a serious addiction that can lead to many negative life changing emotions and behaviors. Here, you will discover how to get rid of a porn addiction. I will be listing some essential steps to end porn addiction today!

When Is Porn An Addiction?

Individuals who view porn and are curious as to whether or not they have an addiction often ask the question of “when is porn an addiction?” This is actually a very common question. When an individual views porn on a regular basis and in an obsessive manner, considers common topics of pornography, and indulges in thoughts and acts that directly relate to sexual themes that may be detrimental to the pleasure and safety of another individual, an addiction may be potentially lingering. Mental health specialists have determined the following to be potential criterion for a porn addiction:

1. Individuals who engage in pornographic activities often feel an impending sense of stress and anxiety until the behaviors are actually initiated. Once the particular indulgence is experienced and the mind and body of the individual becomes satisfied, the individual will often experience a heightened sense of pleasure and the stress and anxiety will be relieved immediately.

2. Individuals who consistently engage in the observance of pornography by way of video, audio, publications, the internet, and several other methods are considered to be addicts if they cannot seem to control this particular behavior, or become aggressive when they are unable to pursue the behavior.

3. If the porn obsession has become so severe that it interferes with obligations at work, home, school, and relationships that the individual has, it is considered to be an addiction.

Steps To Overcome Porn Addiction

By following the steps that are listed below, you will be able to successfully overcome porn addiction:

1. The first step to getting rid of porn addiction is to define the problem, and make it clear that there is a problem. We should work to establish the fact that we do, in fact, have a complication when it comes to various types of pornography and that it is affecting not only who we are as individuals, but that it is also affecting our relationships with other individuals.

2. The next step to overcoming a porn addiction is to create a strong plan. It is important to know and understand that this issue will not resolve itself quickly. Our plan should include steps to recovery that are positive and productive to overcoming our weakness when it comes to porn addiction.
3. Now, it is time to step into action! Do not overwhelm yourself with negative self talk. If we want to successfully overcome porn addiction, it is absolutely essential to believe that we can do it, and then we must follow up by engaging in the recovery steps.

Cure Porn Addiction – Can It Be Done?

Is it possible to cure porn addiction? This is a question many have asked, and the definition of cure can vary a great deal. Some are looking for a one shot pill or trick that will switch things over instantly which will never happen – but other realise a cure for something like this will take some time. However many people continue to look for quick fixes to life’s problems and continue to be disappointed even when there are some things that seem to offer something similar.

Some other psychological disorders do have drugs that can help actually such as depression and anxiety. However, even these drugs are not cures – because as soon as you stop taking them the problems return. They simply mask the symptoms of a problem and do not eliminate it. That takes more time, just like kicking an addiction to porn will.

I consider there to be a number of factors you can do to cure porn addiction, but it is a process that you need to go through that will target a number of things in your life.

There are a number of factors that go into a proper, long term strategy to cure porn addiction. This is a very brief overview of a fairly complex subject, but gives you a vague idea of the process.

  • Internal Factors – This is everything inside of your mind. This is the very psychological things to do with your insecurities, your weaknesses, your fears, and the behaviours and neural pathways that are formed because of these things.
  • External Factors – These are the things out of your control most of the time. This is the situation you are in, the people around you, the stresses that force their way into your life and many other factors that you can at most influence – and at worst simply have to suffer with no control.
  • Diet & Exercise – This is more important than you might think. What you put into your body does not just affect your physical health, but can make an impact on your mental health as well. Certain diets and foods are beneficial to giving you motivation and feeling good without needing so much stuff like porn to give you a high. Other foods can actually make you crave it more. Exercise is also something that has always helped those with psychological disorders balance the hormones and brain chemicals need for a healthy mind.

Porn Addiction. Truth, Reality and Hope for Addicts and Partners

For many years the debate on porn was centered around the notion that succumbing to the temptation of porn signified some kind of moral failing. From a religious/Christian point of view, it was a question of sinfulness. A sign that one has allowed oneself to become infected with one or more of the seven supposed deadliest of sins, lust and/or gluttony. Or, from a feminist point of view, porn is seen as the vile exploitation of women as sexual, one-dimensional objects with no humanity other than form. Yet as Naomi Wolf points out in her article, The Porn Myth, in actuality the end result of too much exposure to pornography has had the effect, not of turning men into sexually ravenous beasts, but the complete opposite; sexual and emotional anorexics who can no longer relate authentically to a real life woman or get aroused by one. As it turns out, excessive viewing of pornography in this digital age turns men off, not on.

As numerous studies now show, repetitive and compulsive viewing of internet porn by men (and a growing number of women) induces the opposite effect than one might expect, and just like a person who is addicted to a substance grows increasingly desensitized to the drug whilst continuing to crave it more and more, a person who is addicted to pornography finds he/she ends up on pretty much the same, well trodden treadmill. Intensely wanting something that can no longer provide the temporary relief and stimulation it once did.

Recent research implies that internet pornography is as addictive as certain drugs and affects the brain the same way. But, porn’s special hook is that it taps into that human need for attachment, connection and belonging even more than addictive substances by adding into the mix hormones that are normally associated with bonding, love and connection. In effect, a porn addict becomes more attached to porn than anything or anyone else in their life. As a consequence, relationships, marriages, work and soon enough, the relationship with the self begins to suffer.

Porn addiction, like any addiction goes through stages – however, unlike most other addictions, the physical effects of porn addiction are virtually invisible, and the psychological and emotional effects are quite subtle, at first. In-fact, many porn addicts may seek treatment for a variety of mental health issues such as anxiety, depression and OCD, as well as physical ailments, stress, other addictions and finally dysfunctional sexual performance before anyone thinks to ask about their porn viewing habits.

But more and more studies clearly link issues related to sexual performance, including erectile dysfunction in men in their late teens and early twenties, (something that was almost unheard of 10 – 15 years ago) back to extensive viewing of internet porn. It is only when they can no longer get an erection, or ejaculate even with porn that some men start to make the connection between their excessive viewing of porn and other issues in their life. Often this is the only thing that eventually get’s their attention. (Their partners, if they have partners, may have known for some time that something was happening, or rather… not happening!)

This sorry state of affairs is bad news for both porn addicts and partners of porn addicts. Many who spend night after night lying in bed next to a partner that never seems to be ‘in the mood’ for sex. The result can be devastating to marriages, relationships and the self-esteem of both parties. The secretive nature of most men’s porn addiction may also mean that some partners may not know that they are in a relationship with a porn addict or even if they are aware of their partner’s porn habit, they may not make the connection at first either. Or they may not know the extent of their partner’s porn viewing. The damage this causes relationships is thus far immeasurable. One site states that 56% of divorces in the U.S. involve one party having an obsessive interest in pornography, among other staggering statistics.

So, is the news all bad? Well, no. Latest brain research shows that the brain is actually very flexible and malleable, kind of like plasticine. In-fact the term for the way the brain can change itself, based on what is experienced, is called neuroplasticity. This is good news as the same way you get yourself into a sticky situation is largely the same way to get yourself out of it. While the allure of internet porn may have lost its charm many clicks ago, the habit that it has created will be hard to break. Hard, but not impossible. For men who have lost the ability to relate to women, emotionally and physically, and for partners of addicts there seems little alternative, other than to dissolve the relationship, which let’s face it, is fairly likely. It can’t be much fun to be in a relationship with a porn addict. However, chances are that if you leave a relationship with one porn addict, you are more than likely to run into another just as addicted, or on his way to being so, seeing as in America at least, sex addiction (which porn addiction is a form of) has reached epidemic status, according to a 2011 News Week article.

So, how do you beat a porn addiction and reverse its effects on the brain? Well the answer is simple, if not easy and this is simply to stop it. Stop all contact with porn and masturbating to porn and give your brain a chance to rewire itself and re-learn, or rediscover what comes naturally.

That is the only solution. I did say it was simple, but not easy. Recovering from porn addiction (for addicts and/or partners) takes time, courage and commitment and it is not easy to do without support. There are some very good websites now that can assist, (which I shall list below in the resources) but the assistance of a therapist who is aware of the nature of porn and sex addiction, one who will take it seriously can be fundamental to long lasting recovery. At least, having a close friend or understanding partner (if that is possible) that you know and trust is also important. The reason for this is that porn and sex addiction most likely mask other issues. Issues such as fear of intimacy, abandonment fears, attachment disorders, and perhaps even trauma. Once the defence of porn has left the building, then there is nothing to protect your unconscious defences and chances are some deeply buried emotional wounds may re-open.

It’s important to be aware of this possibility as many who try to ‘re-boot’ as it is called on websites such as Your Brain on Porn and Fight the New Drug often try many times and fail because they are inadequately prepared or lack support.